Akatsuki Rewritten
by Anime-Music-Enthusiast
Summary: It's all fun and games when four girls find the Akatsuki as cats, but they soon all end up back in the Naruto world at once and they're stuck trying to rewrite the plot. However, changing the plot is going to have some devastating results, because Obito is proving to be more eager than anyone expected. (Rewrite of Akatsukittens)
1. Interdimensional Travel Arc: Part 1

_On November 9, 2011, I published my first ever story called Akatsukittens._

 _Happy seventh birthday you hot mess._

* * *

The sandy colored cat's ear twitched at the sound of a voice.

'Wait,' Deidara thought, because people's ears don't usually twitch, 'what the fuck was that?'

"Senpai? Oh good, you're finally waking up!" Tobi's overly enthusiastic tone was not something Deidara enjoyed waking up to. He groaned when he opened his eyes and immediately shut them as the light did wonders for his headache‒then he immediately opened them again because he was literally ground level, face-to-face with a cat. "How are you feeling, Deidara-senpai?" it spoke with Tobi's voice. It was black with amorphous orange spots nearly taking up its face. "Everyone else woke up really irritated, so I hope you don't feel as bad. Hidan-senpai already tried killing me, so‒"

Deidara responded with also trying to kill Tobi.

At first glance it seemed like a knee-jerk reaction, but it was actually because Deidara distinctly remembered Tobi attempting something stupid that Leader-sama had explicitly said not to do, and after that everything was dark, so it was probably why Tobi had somehow turned himself into a cat and Deidara had a splitting headache. "What the hell did you do, Tobi-!" Tobi had shrieked and tried running away, but didn't even need to. Deidara stopped when he realized he was trying to strangle Tobi with paws.

"I'll tell you what that fucking idiot did!" Hidan steamed, but Deidara had to do a double-take as the shrill voice came from a silvery cat. "He fucked with some jutsu and somehow turned us all into Jashin-forsaken pussies!" Looking around, Deidara saw he was surrounded by nine cats in total, all of which had to be his fellow Akatsuki members.

"And he seemed to have sent us somewhere we don't recognize," Kisame said, as a cat with grey fur with a blue hue.

"And somehow made our chakra unusable," Zetsu's white half said, coming from a cat split down the middle between black and white, with some stray spots of the opposite color here and there.

The dump of information was dizzying, but everyone came to attention as an imposing ginger cat lashed his tail. "Are we done spouting exposition?" came Pain's icy tone. No one said anything in response. "Good. What we should be focusing on is how to unlock our chakra so we can undo this peculiar transformation jutsu. Then we can worry about where we are."

"How do we even pull that off?" Sasori said. His fur was a deep red that appeared orange in the light. "If this has been a direct attack on our chakra points, we can't manually reach our chakra. So long as the damage isn't permanent, we have to wait for our chakra to begin flowing again on its own."

"If that were the case," Kakuzu said, a large cat with tortoiseshell fur, "then theoretically I shouldn't feel my other hearts beating, since they're connected to a jutsu."

Pain considered both sides of the argument. "Itachi," he said eventually, "try activating your Sharingan."

The Uchiha, an elegant black cat, shut his eyes in concentration. After a moment, he opened them again and the crimson red of his Sharingan glowed. His eyes flickered as he looked around their surroundings, his Sharingan seeing through the box–but there was nothing to see. There was no chakra to hone in on, as if there was absolutely no living things in the area. Not counting his fellow Akatsuki members, all he saw was an empty world of gray. Out of curiosity, he tried activating his Mangekyo just for a few moments, and it didn't respond. "My Mangekyo doesn't respond to me; even my basic Sharingan feels strained."

Pain hummed. "Do you see anything?"

Itachi shut his eyes, deactivating his Sharingan to give himself a break. "Nothing. There's no chakra signatures whatsoever."

At Pain's side, Konan, a cat with fur an even deeper blue than Kisame's, suddenly turned her head with her ears turning in the same direction. She was the first to notice, but eventually everyone heard what she did: footsteps.

"Oh my god," a woman with thick brown curls said as she came into view, "god is real and he blessed me with cats."

* * *

Crysta was having an okay day. Not a bad one, far from it, but it could've been better. She was walking home with her mind buzzing with ideas to do something fun, but everything came to a halt when she heard a cat meow. And then more meows followed.

It was always a rule of thumb to never go into alleyway alone, but that rule didn't apply when cats were involved.

Walking up to a large box right in the center of the alley, she didn't even consider the possibility she could be jumped by someone, that this was a trap. She just saw a variety of adolescent kittens and that was all that mattered. "Oh my god," she gasped, as all the cats looked up at her with wide eyes, "god is real and he blessed me with cats." She crouched down on her knees. "Hello babies." The ginger cat in the middle of the box meowed up at her, and she grinned. She resisted the urge to reach in and scoop it up–

Then Crysta gasped again, more dramatically, as her eyes landed on a tortoiseshell cat with gorgeous color. "Hello beautiful!" she said excitedly, throwing her resistance to the wind and reaching in to immediately pick the cat up. At first it seemed agitated, then the ginger cat meowed again and the tortie allowed her to lift it up (though with flattened ears). "Oh you're so pretty," she cooed as she cradled the cat in her arms. She smiled down at the cat, petting down its neck–then she flinched her hand back when it brushed against a mass on the cat's back.

"Oh, baby, what's on your back?" she asked in the same tone you'd use on when inspecting a child's wound. Crysta carefully pressed her palm once more against the tortie's back. She felt four quarter sized masses. She lifted the cat up so she was looking into its bright green eyes. Its scleras seemed bloodshot. "Poor baby girl, you seem so sick–oh shit, that's a dick down there. Poor baby boy, my bad."

Tortoiseshell cats were almost always girls, so it was a common mistake.

The cat's ears flattened back again and a low growl came from his throat as another cat in the box yowled. Not wanting to get torn to pieces, she carefully put him back. As she did, a silver cat circled around him with that shriek of a meow, and the tortie smacked at its face. Crysta was concerned she was about to watch a cat fight break out (and knowing her she would've gotten ripped apart trying to break it up), but then the large ginger cat hissed at them and the two cats broke apart on their own.

"Great," Crysta said, "I found a box of basket cases–and I'm taking these basket cases home, because I can't just leave them out here."

With a deep breath, Crysta shut the lids of the box ("I know, I know," she muttered when some of the cats meowed in alarm), and hefted the box up and supported it with both of her arms. She couldn't wait to show Megan, Autumn and Dawn.

"Alright kitties," Crysta said, "time to go home."

* * *

"Where the fuck is she taking us?" Hidan demanded, his claws ripping into the cardboard below him to hold himself steady in the shifting darkness of the box getting carried away.

"Her home, idiot," Kakuzu snapped, still not exactly happy after Hidan mocking him about being fawned over.

"Shut the fuck up, pretty girl!"

"Hidan," Pain warned, stopping another fight from breaking out. "I already said it once: we have to act accordingly so the girl is more likely to trust us and keep us around."

"Well, excuse me for not being happy being stuck as a fucking cat, stuck in a fucking box, being taken away by some fucking bitch!"

"I don't think any of us enjoy being a cat, Hidan-senpai," Tobi said from the other side of the box.

That elicited a few laughs from the others, but a growl from Hidan. "I swear Tobi, I'm gonna sacrifice your ass."

"Ah, I don't think you can do that in this form Hidan-senpai."

"Snarky little fucker–"

Everyone stopped when the box got abruptly shifted, and they heard the jingling of keys. "Damn it," the woman swore above them, "carrying you fucking pussies is making it really hard to get inside."

"She has a mouth as bad as Hidan's," Sasori deadpanned.

"We're in for a real treat then," Kisame said, finding the whole thing funny. They all heard a lock clicking, an "aha!" and they were being moved once again. They all waited, wondering when she was going to let them out, then–

"Darlings, I'm home!" she called out. "And I brought a surprise!"

" **Oh my god, is there more of them?** " Zetsu's black half practically groaned. " **I don't think I can handle** **much more of** **this**." Then his white half answered, "Oh come on, maybe they'll be as amusing as this one."

"I don't think amusing is the right word," Kakuzu said.

"Annoying, more like," Sasori agreed.

"Annoying or not, we have to follow our orders," Konan said smoothly. "Pain said to act accordingly in order to survey our new surroundings. So if that means tolerating some eccentric women, so be it."

They all looked up as the box was opened up and filled with light. Along with the woman who found them, three other women also stared down into the box: one with flowing ginger hair and a light dusting of freckles, a brunette with wavy hair, and a blonde with glasses.

"They're so cute!" the blonde squealed.

"What the fuck are we going to do with them all?" the ginger asked.

"Maybe keep one or two of them," the brunette said, "then give the rest to the shelter."

"Or keep all of them," the woman who found them mumbled, brushing a curl behind her ear.

"Yes!" the blonde immediately said. "A thousand times yes!"

The ginger scowled as she studied the cats, and the brunette smiled over at her. "Let's take care of them for a day or two and go from there."

The woman who found them and the blonde both cheered, sharing excited high-fives. The ginger sighed. "Autumn, you're gonna kill me one day if you keep encouraging these two."

The brunette, Autumn, shrugged. "Sometimes you just gotta play into the chaos a little bit, Dawn."

The two stood up. "Megan," the ginger, Dawn, said, "go find the cat food. I think there's still some left over when we were feeding that outdoor cat a few weeks ago."

"Gotcha!" The blonde stood up and walked out of sight.

The woman who found them lifted the box up once more. They heard Autumn speak, "Where are you taking them, Crysta?"

Crysta grinned. "My room of course," she said. "I found them so I get first dibs."

Autumn snorted. "Of course," she echoed, and didn't stop her as the box of cats got carried away.

Taking in the interactions of the girls before them, the Akatsuki could come to one conclusion that Hidan summed up pretty well:

"I think we're fucked."

* * *

 _Forgive me if this seems rushed at all or if any of the writing sounds awkward. It's been a while. Hopefully I'll get back in the swing of things as I start updating more frequently._

 _If you go to read my original story out of curiosity, be warned: I wrote it when I was twelve and it's a hot mess. But yes. This was a rewrite several years in the making, and I finally, finally decided to commit to it after a close friend of mine (irl Megan, whose character you'll properly meet in the next chapter) fell in love with my story and wanted me to bring it back. So I decided, why not? It's very sentimental to me, being my first ever story, and as bad as it is I love looking back at it to see how far I've come._

 _You don't need to read the original whatsoever. This rewrite is a total redo with a better developed plot and characters. The only thing in common is the kitty plot and four of the original characters coming back. Of course I'm going to sneak in some references to the original here and there, so there's that._

 _So yeah. I hope you enjoy this. I'm assuming you're new, so welcome. If you're somehow one of the original readers, then (kudos to you and your patience) welcome back. I hope you have as much fun as I'm going to have._

 _Have a lovely day._


	2. Interdimensional Travel Arc: Part 2

_I really disappeared for a hot minute there, didn't I? Well I'm back for real now. Sometimes shit just all goes wrong in life y'know?_

 _You just gotta get back up and keep going anyway._

* * *

A box of ten young cats sat in a bedroom of the home of four women, and those women each had a wide variety of opinions on said cats.

Megan, holding a bag of cat food and a stack of styrofoam bowls, just wanted to feed the poor things. "They're all probably starving," she insisted.

"The majority of them are also assholes and they might need to be separated," Dawn said. She was interested in maybe keeping at the most two or three of them, but nowhere near interested in fostering all ten.

Autumn, who would like to keep one but wouldn't put up a fuss if they were just taken to a shelter, crouched down to peer into the box. "Some of them are total love bugs," she pointed out. She reached in and immediately the cat with the orange spots on his face jumped up to rub against her hand. "It's just the silvery one that's an asshole." As if to prove her point, the silver cat hissed and swatted at her, making her quickly pull away.

And Crysta, always a point of chaos in life and wholeheartedly believing they could handle keeping all ten cats, scoffed. "Then put the fucker in timeout. He can eat alone."

"Good luck getting him away from the others, he'll probably take your whole arm with you," Autumn said.

That made Dawn and Crysta share a look. They didn't say anything, but as two harbingers of chaos, they both understood. "I'll try getting him," Crysta said confidently. "I've been through worse, I can survive some cat scratches." As expected, the silver cat hissed and yowled when Crysta crouched down. She made it out that she was looking for an angle to successfully reach in for him, distracting him from Dawn going around the box to a position behind him. The other cats were watching her, and some growled in warning when she slowly reached for the silver cat, but he didn't react in time; Dawn successfully scruffed him and lifted up the frozen cat.

"There we go," Dawn said. "He's not so tough now." He growled, but it was all he could do. "I'll keep him in my room, there's not a lot I have that he can destroy or get into."

As Dawn took the cat away, Autumn and Crysta took turns carefully removing the other cats one at a time while Megan poured them each their own bowl of food. Once all nine cats were out, the girls stepped back to give them space‒then watched as the cats only sniffed or stared in distaste at the food before them. "I thought a few of them would be picky," Autumn said, "not all of them."

"Maybe they're stressed," Megan said, wanting nothing more than to just scoop them all into her arms and shower them in love.

"Or they're ungrateful little bastards," Crysta joked.

"Whatever it is, if we can't get them to eat, we have to take them to the shelter quicker than we thought," Autumn said. Then, as if the word shelter was a trigger word, the ginger cat gave a low meow and one by one the cats gave their food a try. The three girls shared a look. "Let's just go try to see if the other cat will eat," Autumn told Megan, and Crysta stayed behind in her room to keep an eye on the other nine.

* * *

Hidan wasn't necessarily a raging, swearing maniac all the time. He could be pleasant (in his own special Hidan sort of way) when he wanted to be. However, when he was pissed off, he was the type to just go off for as long as his anger lasted, depending on the extent to which he was mad. Being stuck as a cat and literally being put in time out, for example, was enough to have him fuming all day.

He rejected the food they gave him. He refused to let anyone get close to him. He swore and yelled when they managed to get close anyway and put him in his own box full of towels, and it pissed him off even more that they couldn't understand him saying that he would rather piss on their carpet.

Even when his adrenaline began dying away and his anger was burning out, Hidan just wanted to be difficult for the sake of being difficult. That was just hard to pull off from a box. In reality, though, he couldn't even remember the last time he had time to himself for this long. If he weren't stuck as a cat with a bunch of girls fawning over him, he'd probably be living up the silence. No leader bitching at him to calm down, no Kakuzu berating him and calling him an idiot, no listening to his fellow Akatsuki members' annoying conversations.

Then, in a stroke of intelligence, Hidan realized he could use this all to his advantage. As fun as it was to cause mayhem and annoy the hell out of these girls, he could live it up a little bit. People fucking worshipped their pets, and if he got on their good side, he could be like royalty while enjoying his silence.

When that ginger girl (Dawn, if he remembered correctly) cautiously placed the bowl of food and a bowl of water in the box with him, Hidan played innocent. He leaned in and pressed his forehead against her hand. He wasn't exactly sure what cats did to show affection, but he felt like he had the gist of it.

"Oh, now you want to be nice?" she said irritably. Hidan felt his ears flatten back (the things reacted to his emotions on impulse, similar to how his tail practically had a mind of its own) but he didn't give up just yet. He looked up at her and meowed (in reality he just said a not-as-aggressive "Fuck you") and tried again, rubbing his head against her hand. He heard her sigh in defeat, then she relented and pet his head.

"That's right, bitch, love me," Hidan said victoriously. Even when she eventually got back up and left him again, Hidan was smug for the rest of the day. He would have these girls wrapped around his finger in no time.

It eventually grew dark, and from his box he heard Dawn getting into her bed. He considered meowing all night until she took him out, but that either would take too long or result in him getting moved to somewhere in solitude. Then it occurred to him to try something that he should've attempted hours ago. He was a cat for Jashin's sake, and they were known for being able to jump.

It took a few tries, but Hidan eventually was able to get a grip on the top of the box, hauling himself over and landing on the floor with a quiet thump. He surveyed his surroundings, then immediately went for the bed, using his claws to dig into the blanket dangling low enough for him to reach and began to climb. He made it this far, so he decided he'd go straight for the kill.

Hidan made his resting place right on Dawn's chest.

His action did startle her, and she said something along the lines of him needing a bigger box, but Hidan wasn't even paying attention. "You're like the titty queen," he said to her in awe. She shook her head, and much to his delight she seemed to decide to leave him where he was on his cushioned throne.

"If you attack me or wake me up at all I swear I'm shutting you in that fucking box with tape," she muttered, petting him, and Hidan knew he would be on his best behavior. Her fingers brushed against his pendant, and she felt around it. Hidan had been wearing it the entire time, but his fur was long and stringy, hiding it mostly from sight. He had been surprised he still had it on in this form, but he was relieved; it was almost comforting to still be able to feel it, even if it got caught in his fur. Dawn found the triangular charm and studied it through the darkness. "Shit, it's been a while but I remember what this is," she said, and it caught Hidan's attention.

The woman smiled in amusement, and he waited for her to mention Jashinism, but instead she said something that had him on edge: "In retrospect, maybe Hidan was always a good name for you."

Even when she eventually fell asleep, Hidan was still studying her through the darkness. He tried thinking back, tried thinking if he actually should know this girl or if there was any possible way she should know who he is, but nothing came to mind. As far as he knew, the only way she would know him was because of his reputation. He had slaughtered a good amount of his village after all, all for the sake of Jashinism. So the pendant, his silver fur, and his aggressive attitude added up to something that could be chalked up to a weird coincidence. It was nothing to necessarily be alarmed about.

Hidan let himself relax, and let himself enjoy his time with where he was sleeping.

* * *

Pein studied "Tobi" carefully through the darkness. After a brief survey of the girl's room, the leader had asked if there was anything worth noting, and after a brief pause he got the answer in the typical high-pitched voice, "Her bed is super comfortable!"

"She also has quite a lot of stuffed animals," Zetsu's white half added lightheartedly. Pein knew then there was nothing for them to see in Megan's room. He and Konan (making up the four cats that Megan had kept with her that night) had tried simultaneously activating the Astral Projection Jutsu to contact the others, but to no avail.

" **It would be ridiculous seeing projections of cats anyway** ," Zetsu's black half grumbled. He had positioned himself on the windowsill, perched over Megan's sleeping form, plotting something in that strange mind of his. On the bed, Tobi was curled against the girl's side, seemingly asleep.

But Pein knew that Madara was listening.

"It's a wonder you're able to move at all," Konan said.

Pein could agree. He couldn't wrap his head around the fact that he was able to maintain connection to his "real" body and yet couldn't decipher where the Deva Path was even located at the moment. He had briefly considered switching to one of the other Paths of Pain to try locating the Akatsuki's whereabouts, but Konan quickly reminded him that he may not be able to reconnect with the Deva Path with how strangely their chakra was behaving, so the idea was filed in the back of his mind as an absolute last resort.

"It feels just as taxing now as it is to maintain control of all six," he admitted silently. Through the darkness, he could see Konan's tail swishing. She had become cold and closed off like he did through the years, but in his mind's eye he could still imagine the fear in her expression that she would have whenever she looked at him. "No matter," he said, "because so long as I'm in control now, I will make sure I maintain it until we escape."

Tobi suddenly stretched. "You almost make it sound like a prison break, Leader-sama," he said, voice chipper and wide awake as ever.

Pein didn't fail to notice that he was being especially cautious using his Tobi persona, even here in privacy.

" **This is a prison** ," Zetsu's black half growled. Then his white half added, cryptically, "I think we can think of a worse prison than this."

"Prison or not," the leader of the Akatsuki said, feeling the weight of a Sharingan on him, "we will do whatever it takes to break out of these forms and return home."

* * *

 _Fun fact: The cover art was made by irl Megan. That girl is so amazingly talented and I was so happy when she offered to make a cover for me._

 _I was known for disappearing at random in the past, but I'll try to not make a habit out of it, because chapter three is already outlined. I just needed a bit of a break. For a sneak preview: more development of the girls, more cat shenanigans, and maybe some more foreshadowing thrown in before we get our Akatsuki back as humans. This story has a long way to go, and I have too much planned to let it go to waste._

 _See you next week._


End file.
